ESSAY 04
Fear and My Pace Are Inversely Related
When fear visits, I lace up my running shoes. Running helps me recover and find my own pace again.
I am an optimistic, fairly positive person. Still, fear gets hold of me sometimes. When I am not feeling my best, or when several things go wrong at once, fear never fails to find me.
Fear clouds my judgment. It shakes my confidence, plants negative thoughts, and makes me believe those thoughts are reality. Low moods do much the same. These feelings are like old friends who know me all too well. They know exactly when I am vulnerable and which words will unsettle me.
Once fear takes over, I lose sight of what really matters. I spend my energy worrying about things that barely deserve a thought, and come up with a hundred reasons not to begin before I have even started.
My mind races, but I stay exactly where I am.
So now, when fear comes, I do not just try to avoid it. I greet it as I would an old friend. And I recognize what it is telling me: I need time to recover.
That is when I put on my running shoes and head outside.
There is something life has taught me through my own body: fear and my pace are inversely related.
When I stand still, fear grows quickly. When I start running, it gradually falls behind.
I take a step, breathe out, and break a sweat. With each stride, the thoughts that filled my head grow more distant. At some point, I look back and the fear that was right on my heels is nowhere to be seen. At least in that moment, it cannot outrun me.
When I come back from a run, the things I need to deal with are still there. But the person looking at them has changed a little. Instead of worrying about things that have not happened, I begin to see, one by one, the things I can do right now.
As fear retreats, the things I want move into the space it leaves behind. Confidence, hope, happiness, love, friendship. The things I cherish and want to nurture in my life. Once I have the strength to move again, I can take small steps toward making them real.
Fear will probably visit again. After all, it is a friend who has known me for a long time. When it does, I will recognize the signal that I need to recover, and lace up my running shoes.
And that is how I find my own pace again.